Sunday, February 24, 2013

maafkan aku, kawan

aku punya teman. teman, kawan, sahabat. ya, aku ada semua. tapi, makin hari, aku makin hilang kawan. ke mana semua menghilang? kenapa semua ni harus terjadi? kenapa? sumpah, aku sayang kawan aku sangat-2. aku tak berniat pun nak gaduh-2 ni. bukan aku taknak dgr nasihat korg tapi aku.. arghhhhhh, kenapa susah sgt korg nak faham apa yg aku rasa? kenapa? 

entry kali ni aku tujukan khas buat sahabat aku. BFF aku. aku kenal dia since form 1 lagi. sumpah demi ALLAH, aku sayangkan hubungan persahabatan kami. banyak benda aku share dengan dia. dialah sahabat, dialah teman bagi aku. tahun lepas dia ketua kelas, aku penolong ketua kelas. tahun ni pun sama. hihihi.. ada chemistry kan? hahaha. kadang-2 tu, pernah gak gaduh sebab kecik hati. tu pun tak lama. alaaaa, merajuk kejap je.. hihihi..


baru-baru ni kami gaduh. gaduh besar sangat. kawan, bukan aku taknak dengar nasihat kau tapi aku nak cari kebahagian aku sendiri dengan cara aku sendiri. mmg kau tak salah nak menasihati aku. aku hargai segala kata-kata nasihat kau. tapi aku degil. kau pun kenal aku macam mana kan? aku tak pernah mintak semua ni jadi. aku tak pernah percaturkan persahabatan kita seperti yg kau cakap tu. tak pernah.. sumpah tak pernah. andai kau berada kat tempat aku, mungkin kau akan faham apa yg aku rasa. 

sekarang, dah tak ramai yang nak kawan ngn aku gara-2 peristiwa tu. tapi kenapa perlu aku? aku SALAH ke? tapi kenapa perlu aku? kenapa? :'( sungguh aku tak faham akan takdir aku sekarang ni. apa harus aku lakukan? 

satu je yg aku nak cakap, aku mintak maaf dari hujung rambut sampai hujung kaki..

aku tak pernah dan tak akan benci kau even kau dah benci and tak suka kat aku.. aku sedar siapa aku di mata kau..

Kau ada dikala ku suka
Dikala ku duka
setiap tangisan dan juga ketawa
Kau ada dikala ku perlu
setia menemaniku
Pegang erat tanganku bila aku jatuh

Kau lah yang selalu
Selalu menemaniku
Mendengar kisah pahit manis
Hidup ku

Kau lah yang di situ
Setia menunggu ku
Kau lah yang satu
Menjadi sahabatku

Ku tahu ku kan selalu ada
Pada dirimu
Dan ku harap kau juga rasa begitu

Kau lah yang selalu
Selalu menemaniku
Mendengar kisah pahit manis
Hidup ku

Kau lah yang di situ
Setia menunggu ku
Kau lah yang satu
Menjadi sahabatku

Kau lah yang selalu
Selalu menemaniku
Mendengar kisah pahit manis
Hidup ku

Kau lah yang di situ
Setia menunggu ku
Kau lah yang satu
Menjadi sahabatku



dialah yg aku maksudkan.. sweet kan kami? itu dulu.. sekarang dah takde macam tu lagi :'/


A Sad Love Story

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend
until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that
trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of
lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by
his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…

“Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked.
“I can’t”
“Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointment grabbing me.
“No… I am going to meet a friend…

He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all. He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why…

Then one day…

Me: Um, Jin, I …
Jin: What…don’t drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.

That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…

Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.

Me: Jin…
Jin: Here…take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What’s this?
Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?

I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen. Then I shouted… “Wait…”
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.
“I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.” 

That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…

After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday

After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it’s going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?

I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…

Me: I don’t need it. Jin: What….why…
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
“I’m sorry” He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then…

Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
“Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted… But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
“Jin, move!” HONK~!! “Boom!” That sound, so terrifying.
That’s how he went away from me. That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.

After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.

Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…

“One…two… three…” That was how… I started to count the dolls…
“Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty five…” It all ended with 485 dolls.

I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…

“I love you~, I love you~” I dropped the dolls, shocked

“I….lo..ve…you??” I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
“I love you~ I love you~” It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
“I love you~”

Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much.

“Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…”

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…

For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life ..

i love you

credit to : http://bestrealstories.blogspot.com